A friend of mine told me that he was watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and he thought of my crazy family. Funny enough, he is pretty accurate to say that and I don’t think anyone in my family would deny it. There are certainly quite a few quirky characters that get into trouble on a regular basis.
Can you guess which one hasn’t happened to my family?
1) Grandma getting picked up by the cops
2) Aunt Binny stabbing grandpa in the leg for holding a cold beer to it (you got to know Binny to understand this one)
3) Aunt Sharon capsizing her sail boat as it collided with a bridge in Florida resulting in a T-shirt that said Boat -1, Aunt Sharon – 0
4) A blow up doll with band-aid covered nipples given to my brother at a family Christmas
5) My non-commital cousin Jeremy getting in a near-death car crash and marrying his nurse
6) Grandma cleans her closet out, puts everything in a garbage bag and, at Christmas, makes all the grandkids pass it around and take things out until nothing is left. She was very adament about it emptying. Nothing says Christmas like a 1956 book on birds, or 10 year old candy canes…remember the candy canes?
7) Wedding shivarees including: a goat tied up on a front lawn, walls built over a hall entrance, lobsters in a tub and holes cut into someones floor to get into the house to prank it.
8) Grandma rating an old boyfriend of mine an 8 out of 10…while he was sitting beside me.
9) My cousin running over his brother with a tractor (it was an accident and he’s okay)
10) Me almost taking my grandpa’s thumb off with a shovel while taking stumps out of a field
Answer? They are all true, of course!
I could go on and on about naked grandma stories, inappropriate gifts at Christmas including a sound enhanced reindeer speedo and a very inappropriate T-Shirt given to my mom which would horrify her if I shared, scenes in restaurants or theatres with my grandparents or nursing home stories, but I’ll save those for another day.
I hope your family has a couple nuts in it too, no family is complete without one or five. I leave tomorrow to go back home for a visit and I’m highly anticipating some new stories to share with you all. I love my family!
Feel free to share any of your own stories, or, when you see me, ask about the ones above.